Me in the "Chemo Lounge"

March 16, 2010

How could that sentence be possible you’re asking yourself? How could a guy who’s spent the last 10 years of his life “battling” cancer be insisting that my diagnosis of this beast should be treated as a gem to be cherished?

Well, allow me to give you an explanation of my reasoning here. It’s a fairly simple concept, but one that is heavily clouded by the average person’s fear of death.

Famous Fear of Death Quotes:

“Only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to live.” – Dorothy Thompson

“One cannot look directly at either the sun nor death.” – La Rochefoucauld, 1665

What happens when almost every cancer patient hears his or her diagnosis for the first time? Below I’ve boiled it down to its bare essence:

Their fear of death switches on automatically and remains in that position unless challenged ardently.

Each will eventually settle on the belief that they must fight cancer.

If asked what they want most, they’ll respond, “To be cured.”

All take solace in listening to experts and book-writing survivors that they can assist their own recovery by:

* Trusting in doctors
* Making Nutritional improvements
* Practicing Healing Visualization
*Practicing Meditation
*Exercising
*Strengthening their spirituality

If you’ve read my first book, This Time’s a Charm; Lessons of a Four-Time Cancer Survivor you recall that I am an advocate of all of the above “assisting” to help patients “contribute” to their cancer recovery.

But as I’ve grown more through my cancer experiences, I’ve come to realize that what patients honestly lament for is a way to “control” their recovery. This is the TALLEST order of them all.

Often this is where their efforts transform into a “fight” for their lives against cancer.
This is where the slippery mental slope begins.
This is where stress erodes them from the inside/out, cloaked by a shiny, smooth, calm surface for all else to see.
This is where fear builds its bunkers.
This is Ground Zero.

The stark reality here is that at the base of all their actions, choices and stresses, is the simple fear of death. Conquering it first, would be far more helpful and significantly more efficient in their recovery, than leaving it until treatment options have begun to run out.

If you listen to cancer patients’ conversations, you’ll hear statements like, “Well, none of us knows when our time will be up,” or “Life is short,” or “Yeah, you might get hit by a bus tomorrow.” Folks say these types of things. But very, very few people actually internalize them and make choices in their lives based on them. When I look around a chemo infusion room at the patients, I see fear, covered by layers and layers of intensely, artificially manufactured hope.

So to bring this blog full circle, when I congratulate folks who are newly diagnosed with cancer, it is because I understand firsthand the emotional journey they are going to take throughout their disease. I want to introduce the topic to them immediately.

I know how they will be tested and how they will have the opportunity to grow emotionally as they move forward. Some will not make it. Others will. But everyone has the same prize within reach, attaining the internal bliss that comes from ridding yourself of the fear of dying. This is why I insist “Life is perfect, just as it is.”

The dissolving of the fear of death is an amazing opportunity that deadly diseases, like cancer, present. But it’s certainly not limited to cancer alone. Look at this way; from the second you get your diagnosis, is your life done? Some act as though it is. I feel bad for them.

Your life is a daily series of journeys that lead you to meet different people, experience different things and hopefully teach you how to live in the NOW and appreciate YOUR life exactly as it is.

You see, you have a choice at diagnosis. You can live in fear of dying and carry all of that stress around with you while you try to defeat cancer. Or, you can say to yourself, “Hey! This IS my life, cancer or no cancer. I am not willing to give up even one single day of truly LIVING my life for anything or anyone. Cancer, you are but a single stop on my journey of learning in this lifetime, so you’d better buckle up! And get in the backseat, by the way!”

You may die of cancer in a week. You may die of cancer in 13 years. You may live a full, healthy life into your 90’s. But every one of these scenarios can be made happier and more gratifying right NOW if you live your life without the fear of death.

This is how I’ve managed to continue to thrive in my lifetime. Even though I’ve had cancer 5 times over the last 10 years, and still have it at the time of this blog writing, every day is a gift to me. Every situation I run into is either a blessing or a chance to learn something that I can use tomorrow going forward. No chance is missed to make a connection with another human. No time is wasted on negative thoughts or “why me’s.” Life is perfect…exactly as it is. If you can learn to truly internalize that, your eyes will be opened to a world full of astounding happenings and cancer becomes the Boogie Man when the lights switch on.

I welcome your feedback on my blog. This blog represents an evolving theme that I will be revisting from time to time. It will serve as the foundation for my next book. So if you have something to add to the discussion, please do and maybe I’ll use it!

Oh, one last thing. If you haven’t already added me as a friend on Facebook, please take a second and do that right now. We’re building the strongest online cancer network for everyday people.
Click to visit Donald’s Facebook profile.