Cancer Makes People Uncomfortable
January 15, 2009
One of the subtleties of having cancer is that people that you meet/talk with are terrified of it. Have you ever had a scenario along these lines unfold? Let's say you're out boating and you meet someone new. Within a few moments of meeting them they ask, "What's the scar on your chest from?" They are referring to the scar where your surgeon has put your mediport implant for chemo infusion. Your mind searches for a way to inform them that you're a cancer patient, without making them uncomfortable and seeing "the look" on their face. You try with all your sincerity to tell them without evoking a response of pity and fear. No such luck, there's "the look."
Michael Weston on Jan 22, 2009
Completely understandable.
We have etiquette that leads us through many simple social exchanges. This is one that we are not generally trained in and may create anxiety simply out of a fear of saying the wrong thing. It is important that the survivor/patient make clear the terms on which the two people are interrogating the condition. It may be a natural condition, but it may still require some leadership on the part of the person unlucky enough to have it.Not that this is a surefire solution, but it is how i currently approach the topic.
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About Don
Don Wilhelm, author of This Time's a Charm and a 4-time cancer survivor, shares his knowledge and experiences with cancer through this Website.
Read more about Don Wilhelm
You become invisible
during and after treatment. The no hair, no eyelashes, no brow stage puts you in the observer role because most people don't register your presence. Little children notice you much to the horror of their parents. "Look Mommy, that er lady, I mean person has no eyebrows!!" I didn't wear a wig because the wig was uncomfortable and with that choice I realized the wig is really so everyone else is comfortable!! There are many miracles and blessings in a cancer journey, so much love, so much kindness yet is comes from the unexpected people in your life not the ones you would expect. One of the many life lessons to grab on to and meditate on.