Waiting...A Personal Hell
January 10, 2009
As I write this, I am waiting for CT results from my last round of scans. Over the years, I think I’ve had every result in the gamut. From, “The scans were clear and you’re cured,” all the way to, “I’m worried about your results. We really need to get much more aggressive with our treatments.” But one thing is always the same after each test…waiting for the results is Hell on me emotionally.
I think that the waiting is the hardest part of cancer treatment because you can’t actively engage in fighting the beast anymore. You sit and wait, wondering if it’s advancing. While you ‘re on the side of the battlefield, you feel as though you have no power to change the course of history.
Well, while my website and book, This Time’s a Charm, are chock full of helpful lessons learned, I still have not been able to avoid the stress of waiting for test results. If anyone reading this has some positive insight on this, I welcome your response to this blog.
hurry up and wait
yep. waiting is harder than any other part of it. and i think that's because before you get your first diagnosis, the world is perfect and everyone is immortal. once you get your first round of bad results, you're given proof that it can actually happen to someone. to you even. so waiting is hell because the idealism that 'everything is going to come back just fine' was there before just isn't anymore, and won't ever be. once i had to travel extensively for some testing, and because of that the wait was going to be longer than usual for results to come back. so i went on vacation. i won't say it was a cure-all, because i really don't think there is one for the 'waiting for results' nerves, but i will say out of every distraction i have used, going away REALLY helped. even an overnight at a B & B would help if the wait isn't THAT long.
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About Don
Don Wilhelm, author of This Time's a Charm and a 4-time cancer survivor, shares his knowledge and experiences with cancer through this Website.
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It must be very difficult
It must be very difficult to wait for the outcome of test when it concerns your life being at stake. I have no idea what that must be like. This might be a ridiculous suggestion or thought, but maybe if you could try to schedule a lecture or class or some similar event related to living with cancer for the time that you know you will be waiting. Maybe by giving a class or hosting an event it would help take your mind off the wait. I know people like me, that have not been in the situation can learn a lot about life from someone who is experiencing what you are going through. It is just a thought and I hope it might be of some use.